[form] Your Name please: [text,r_name,30] Email: [text,r_email,30] BASIC REFRAME lesson 8 CHALLENGING YOUR FRAMES Your frames of reference of Role, Priority and Change need to be challenged or tested to see whether they truly map the reality of your upset. The DISPUTE or CHALLENGE A part of analysis following the identification of the pattern of how you frame the issue, is to test your thoughts with questions looking for evidence, logic and practicality. To support a belief, expectation or desire you check to see if there is sufficient evidence or past experiences to show its possible. You also check to see if your logic or thinking is reasonable in terms of expecting it, and lastly you check it in terms of how practical it is to expect such in terms of how it helps you function and achieve your aims. To do this exercise, you'll need your homework from the last lesson where you did an Analysis using the three frames of reference based on a past upset. ============================================= Testing Your ROLE desire and outcome Click Here to see the ROLE QUADRANT You figure out whether what you want as an outcome in terms of your role connection, is a WANT or a NEED and explain why. • It is a NEED because: [textarea,evidence of need,3,70] • It is a WANT because: [textarea,evidence of want,3,70] This is a good check. We can promote a mere wanting to the same priority as a something we really need to be able to stay alive and survive which is a high rating and inappropriate to something we simply desire. You check how you feel after you’ve figured out its status as a want or need. The next test for priority can help you here. =========================================== Testing Your CHANGE expecting and experiencing Click Here to see the CHANGE QUADRANT This is possibly the best place to start with all your testing. Starting with CHANGE testing, then checking out the priority of your conclusions, and then figuring how it will be expressed in your Role response is quite empowering. One thing is for sure, if you continue to hold the issue in the same pattern, you’ll continue to successfully upset yourself each time your desire is not met. You challenge or test your Expectation You ask yourself, “What evidence supports me holding this expectation e.g. of my friend acknowledging me without fail?” “Where is it written that my friend in particular must acknowledge me in particular?” [textarea,evidence for expectation,3,70] You ask yourself, “What evidence supports to the contrary as in it being unrealistic of me to expect my friend to deliver without fail?” [textarea,evidence not for expectation,3,70] Then you may enhance this by asking,” Where is the logic in me expecting my friend to acknowledge me without fail, simply because I of all people expect it?” [textarea,logic of expectation,3,70] Lastly, you could ask, “What are the practical impacts on my life of holding this expectation of all my friends to acknowledge me without fail?” [textarea,practical impact of expectation,3,70] ================================================== Testing Your EVALUATION ratings of Important/Urgent Click Here to see the PRIORITY QUADRANT You ask yourself, “What evidence supports this issue being important?” Why is it that I hold acknowledgement from a friend as important?” [textarea,evidence for important,3,70] You ask yourself, “What evidence supports this issue being urgent?” “Why is acknowledgement from my friend urgent?” [textarea,evidence for urgent,3,70] e.g. If it was AIR you needed from your friend passing, then certainly it was both important and urgent. If it was acknowledgement, then sure it’s important to you, but no so urgent you cannot live without it. =========================================== IF Your expectations are unreasonable, illogical or impractical (as in NOT OK ) then you may figure out what adjustments could I make to be able to live with this kind of issue? “What if I simply preferred the acknowledgement, instead of demanding it?” If however your expectation was reasonable, and realistic (e.g. in this case you’d be able to demonstrate that ALL friends SHOULD acknowledge me when I say, “Hello!”) then you can make plans to alter your reality so you get what you expect. The Three Possible Strategies • You can alter your expecting and wanting if they’re unrealistic, illogical and impractical until you have an alternative realistic, logical and practical expectation. • You can alter your reality to what you expect can be sustained because you have the energy and resource and support to effect it. • If you know it’s realistic, but are under-resourced in terms of energy, skills, and support, you may have to call a NO DEAL Did you discover that your desires ratings and expectations needed to be adjusted? What adjustments do you think you could make and benefit from? [textarea,adjustments to my desires etc,3,70] ================================================ ANY QUESTIONS or COMMENTS? [textarea,questions or comments,3,70] [checkbox,send copy] CHECK HERE if you would like a copy of your work sent to you. [submit,SEND this Profile][reset,Start Over again] [/form]