STEP 4: RESPONSE PLAN [form] Name[text,name,30] Email [text,email,30] In order to see your upset objectively, look at the ACTIONS [yours or the other(s)] in preference to the FEELINGS. Then you will find it easier to match your expectations to the reality of your situation. I suggest that most of our objections are about about what reality presents or does not present to match your expectations of such. This includes expectations of self, life, others or God satisfying you. 1. If the actions YOU took in an upsetting situation didn't satisfy you, it's because you didn't or will not meet YOUR OWN expectations of YOUR SELF. (A Self focus) 2. If you are upset because no action you take changes the situation, then Your expectations of the SITUATION weren't or aren't being met. (Life focus) 3. If you are upset because the action you took didn't change the other person(s), then YOUR EXPECTATIONS of the other person(s) behaviour were or are not being met. (Other focus) IF you realise that some of your expecting or thinking needs to be adjusted... Write about the adjustments you PLAN to make in your expecting something DIFFERENT (change) or expecting something THE SAME (no change) [textarea,adjusting my expecting,2,70,I will adjust/reinforce my expecting to now expect and accept...] IF you realise that some of your experiencing or outcome needs to be adjusted through your personal actions and resources... Write about what will be adjusted in general terms (specific will come later in your use of your Role) [textarea,adjusting my experience through actions,2,70,In general here are the actions I will take to manage change ...] MOTIVATING yourself Reinforcing your desire to have a different outcome Looking at your GENERAL plans for adjusting thinking or experience, HOW important is this to you? [list,Important] [option,not important at all,NOT important at all] [option,low importance,LOW importance] [option,med importance,MED importance] [option,High importance,HIGH Importance] [/list] Notes?[textarea,because importance rating,2,60,Because...] HOW Urgent is this for you? [list,Urgent] [option,not urgent at all,NOT urgent at all] [option,low urgency,LOW urgency] [option,med urgency,MED urgency] [option,High urgency,HIGH urgency] [/list] Notes?[textarea,because urgency rating,2,60,Because...] TIP: To gain insight into the specific steps you need to take, try switching the ROLE you got UPSET in to its opposite IF you were in consumer thinking, change your thinking to what you will or will not give the issue. IF you were in supplier thinking, change your thinking to what you will not receive or not receive. ROLE switches also involve exploring issues in TIME: When? How often? Date? etc. ALL problem-solving is future focused because you cannot change history. You've outlined what you want to ADJUST or REINFORCE using your CHANGE frame response and you've indicated how IMPORTANT and URGENT it is. Now translate that into specific steps using your ROLE options. Think about what is POSSIBLE and IMPOSSIBLE to filter out options that will not be realistic. USE THE ROLE OPTIONS YOU CAN ACTION TO TALK IN SPECIFIC WAYS OF ADJUSTING WHAT'S HAPPENING FOR YOU. IF you're adjusting your thinking, then its about supplying yourself new thinking or ideas, it's about accepting things because it's logical, practical and supported by evidence. IF you're adjusting your reality, then it's about actions in which you give and/or withhold from giving, receive and/or resist receiving. KEEP in mind whether your MAIN strategy is about adjusting thinking or adjusting what's happening. What 3 main things do you NEED to (say YES to) be GIVING or supplying to achieve your outcome? [text,I will GIVE01,70] [text,I will GIVE02,70] [text,I will GIVE03,70] What 3 main things do you NEED to (say NO to) be GIVING or supplying to achieve your outcome? [text,I will NOT GIVE01,70] [text,I will NOT GIVE02,70] [text,I will NOT GIVE03,70] What 3 main things do you NEED to (say YES to) be RECEIVING or ACCEPTING to achieve your outcome? [text,I will RECEIVE or ACCEPT01,70] [text,I will RECEIVE or ACCEPT02,70] [text,I will RECEIVE or ACCEPT03,70] What 3 main things do you NEED to (say NO to) RECEIVING or ACCEPTING to achieve your outcome? [text,I will NOT RECEIVE or ACCEPT01,70] [text,I will NOT RECEIVE or ACCEPT02,70] [text,I will NOT RECEIVE or ACCEPT03,70] --------------------------------------------------- What do you FORECAST will occur for you with your PLAN? In the WHEN paste in the original WHEN from Step 1. WHEN [textarea,the when forecase,2,70,WHEN...] I WILL FEEL... [text,emotion goals,60] The level of IMPACT will be[list,My forecast Impact] [option,0,Choose level of IMPACT] [option,1 The absence of any distress,1 The absence of any distress. Feeling calm and totally relaxed] [option,2 Neutral feeling or just OK,2 Neutral feeling or just OK, not as relaxed as could be] [option,3 Increased discomfort,3 Increased discomfort, unpleasant, but in control] [option,4 Noticeable discomfort or distress,4 Noticeable discomfort or distress, perhaps agitation, but tolerable] [option,5 Discomfort is very uncomfortable,5 Discomfort is very uncomfortable, but I can stand it.] [option,6 Discomfort worsens and affects my life,6 Discomfort worsens and affects my life] [option,7 Discomfort is severe emotional pain interferes,7 Discomfort is severe and emotional pain interferes with my life.] [option,8 Discomfort increases in thoughts constantly,8 Discomfort increases and it is in my thoughts constantly] [option,9 Nearly intolerable,9 Discomfort is nearly intolerable] [option,10 discomfort extreme worst imaginable,10 Discomfort is extreme and the worst imaginable. I feel panicky and overwhelmed.] [/list] I will RESPOND BY[text,response actions,60] BECAUSE Here give an explanation of the ideas you hold or think will deliver your forecast. [textarea,forecast because,2,70,Because...] ====================================================================== Check the boxes of WHAT could possibly BLOCK you? Possible EXPECTATION BLOCKS [checkbox,lack of clarity re values]not being clear on what's most important to me [checkbox,lack clarity re facts]not being clear on what the facts are [checkbox,a lack of clarity re logic]not being clear on how to think it through [checkbox,rigid demand that life supply]holding an inflexible demand that Life must give me the things I want [checkbox,desire to be kept from discomfort]holding a strong desire that I be free from discomfort (emotional and physical) [checkbox,demand that I perform flawlessly]holding a demand that I succeed or perform without flaw [checkbox,life intolerable if it does not deliver]holding thoughts that If Life doesn't deliver on what I want that I will find it intolerable [checkbox,exaggerating the badness]holding thoughts that things are going to be worse than they really will be [checkbox,self-downing or thoughts of inadequacy]self-downing or thoughts of inadequacy. WHAT could you do to counter or limit these blocks to changing your expectation? Name the block and write beside it the strategy you could use. Ask for help if you get stuck as this is an important aspect. [textarea,this is how I will deal with expected blocks,6,70,I will counter them by...] -------------------------------------------------------------- NOW you have worked on this indicate your CONFIDENCE rating [radio,vocs,0,checked] No confidence in changing my expectation at all. [radio,vocs,1]1. Able to consider the possibility of changing my expectation. [radio,vocs,2]2. Able to feel some hope that changing my expectation could be effective [radio,vocs,3]3. Able to relate to some prior experience that supports the possibility of trusting changing my expectation. [radio,vocs,4]4. changing my expectation has a grain of viability in it. [radio,vocs,5]5. The positive strategy begins to be trustworthy. [radio,vocs,6]6. Able to see that changing my expectation already has been partly effective. [radio,vocs,7]7. changing my expectation feels effective but have some reservations or disclaimers. [radio,vocs,8]8. changing my expectation feels mostly effective but there is still some doubt.. [radio,vocs,9]9. changing my expectation feels almost completely trustworthy. [radio,vocs,10]10. changing my expectation feels completely trustworthy - I trust it with virtually no doubts. [textarea,I need more help in these areas,3,70,I am going to need some more help and discussion on...] [checkbox,send copy,checked]I recommend you leave this box checked so you get an email of the PLANNING work you've completed on this form. [submit,SEND this Entry][reset,Start Over again] [/form]