[form] "REBT Toolbox" Your Name please: [text,r_name,30] Email: [text,r_email,30] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Fully Accepting Yourself Personal labelling consists of downing or devaluing people; of rating their human worth. It is natural and easy to down ourselves and others, but this does not make it necessary to healthy. You are a fallible error-prone human being. You can admit and deplore your errors but still fully accept yourself. You can choose to rate or measure your specific thoughts, feelings, and actions. You can also choose to rate your totality, your entire person-hood. But you'd be better off not doing so! If you haven't done something well, you can justifiably and beneficially criticise your poor performance - but just as beneficially you can steadfastly refuse to lambaste yourself. View your performance in a realistic but self-accepting way. The same with other people: honestly appraise their performances. Even, at times, express constructive criticism of what they do. But don't go the extra step and insist that someone is "bad" for doing badly. Self Labelling Review these examples of labelling yourself. Check any of the sentences that reflect your tendency to engage in self-rating. [checkbox,I failed therefore I am a failure]I failed therefore I am a failure [checkbox,I am rejected therefore I am an unlovable reject]I am rejected therefore I am an unlovable reject [checkbox,I acted foolishly therefore I am a fool]I acted foolishly therefore I am a fool [checkbox,I didn't know this information therefore I am a dummy or an idiot]I didn't know this information therefore I am a dummy or an idiot [checkbox,I gave in therefore I am a weakling and never act strongly]I gave in therefore I am a weakling and never act strongly [checkbox,I acted insensitively therefore I am a jerk ass or rotten person.]I acted insensitively therefore I am a jerk ass or rotten person. [checkbox,I did badly therefore I am no good.]I did badly therefore I am no good. [checkbox,I don't like my choices therefore I am trapped forever.]I don't like my choices therefore I am trapped forever. [checkbox,I can't see the solution now therefore I am hopeless and I'll never solve this problem.]I can't see the solution now therefore I am hopeless and I'll never solve this problem. [checkbox,I didn't try therefore I am a lazy and worthless person]I didn't try therefore I am a lazy and worthless person [checkbox,I lose therefore I am a loser.]I lose therefore I am a loser. You may have checked one or more of the above sentences that reflect your self-labelling. In the box below, write out the main one. Try to identify exactly what you are saying to yourself with regard to the Adversity you identified earlier. "I [text,labelling01,80] Therefore I am [text,labelling02,70] consider the DISADVANTAGES of judging yourself this way The disadvantages of judging myself this way are... [textarea,disadvantages of judging myself in this way,3,70] Example: "If I see myself as worthless for failing, I will help myself keep failing.") It is okay to feel sorry or disappointed about failing at an important task, about separating from someone, or about not gettign what you want or getting what you don't want. Bad things do happen to people, and it is proper for you to feel appropriately distressed. But you do not have to rate yourself as rotten or inadequate and thereby make yourself feel depressed. You may benefit from saying to yourself, "It's okay to feel bad, but knock off that other stuff. Don't damn yourself as a person; and don't put down other people. No law requires you to put yourself or others down for poor performance - or for any other reason. No matter what their or your behaviours, thoughts, feelings are, you do not HAVE to devalue yourself or others. You have a choice, and can ALWAYS accept yourself. Of course, you may still feel appropriately sorry and distressed, but you don't have to make yourself terrified or utterly miserable. Labelling yourself negatively does not help you to do or feel better. Eventually, you can replace self-labelling with clear ratings of your specific thoughts, feelings, behaviours, and results that you produce without beating yourself into the ground. It is one thing to say "I don't like my poor behaviour" and another to say "I don't like myself for behaving poorly. "You don't always have to be like your behaviour, but you can acknowledge its failings and still accept yourself. Accept you, not it. Being able to say what you like and don't like about your situation, feelings, thoughts, or behaviours without self-downing is a very important part of being psychologically healthy. HOW to Stop Labelling Yourself Start Disputing or debating with yourself when you create irrational or self-defeating Beliefs and rules. What can you begin to say to yourself about your specific situation, thoughts, feelings, and behaviours rather than using inaccurate and destructive labels? Think about the self-downing label(s) you identified in the previous step. Consider what you can begin to say to yourself instead of using the label you identified earlier. I can begin to tell myself... [textarea,I can begin to tell myself,3,70] Example: "Yes I failed this time and several times. So I'm fallible. But that never proves that I am a FAILURE or that I am WORTHLESS.") Eventually your self-defeating thinking becomes a habit. Fortunately, you can change and learn better thinking habits and more adaptive attitudes. You can learn to see and to change your inner meanings and self-talk, even though you have habituated yourself to them and made them automatic. But first you better become aware of what you are telling yourself. You may have to "listen" very carefully to your thinking in order to become aware of your self-talk and your inner philosophy. Identify your defeating self-talk and the damning labels that you may put on yourself and others. Dispute and replace those labels with specific statements about what you like or don't like, and about what you want and don't want. Choose not to take the extra step and to globally rate, down, or devalue yoursel or others. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Questions or Comments? [textarea,questions or comments,3,70] [checkbox,send copy,checked] To receive a copy of your work here. Uncheck it if you have printed off a hardcopy for yourself. [submit,SEND this Entry][reset,Start Over again] [/form]