[form] "REBT Theory Lesson 06" Your Name please: [text,r_name,30] Email: [text,r_email,30] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Negative Labelling Success and Failure Another aspect of your Belief system involves damning yourself, others, and situations. When putting yourself and other people down you overgeneralise. For example, “I have failed at a task, therefore I am a failure.” With this kind of illogical thinking, you may easily also conclude that because you are a failure you have to keep failing; and this irrational Belief may help you create a self-fulfilling prophecy and help you actually fail. Actually, people fail at particular tasks for specific reasons, not because they are failures. Even the person who has failed at almost every task has done reasonably well at something – and probably succeeded at several things! And when succeeding, will this person call himself or herself a success? If so, that is just as wrong as labelling himself or herself a failure for failing at something. The truth is that we neither saints nor sinners, neither successes nor failures. We are error-prone human beings, who often fail, and often succeed. Negative Labelling To label yourself as a failure is much worse than describing your poor behaviour. Being a “failure” goes beyond “I have failed at some particular and important task or relationship” and says “I am a mistake,” rather than “I made a mistake.” This is just the type of damnation and global downing that causes depression and hopelessness, and that REBT shows you how to refrain from doing.. Examples of irrational global labelling are: • I failed, therefore I am a failure • I am rejected, therefore I am an unlovable reject. • I acted foolishly, therefore I am a fool. • I didn’t know something, therefore I am a dummy or an idiot. • I gave in, therefore I am a weak person. • I acted insensitively, therefore I am a jerk, an ass, or an insensitive clod. • I did badly, therefore I am no good. • I don’t like my choices, therefore I am trapped forever. • I can’t see the solution right now, therefore I am hopeless and I’ll never solve this problem. • I didn’t try, therefore I am a lazy and worthless person. • I lost, therefore I am a loser. REBT shows you how to replace these over-generalised labels with more specific and rational self-talk. When people get ideas in their head about themselves, others, or the world, they tend to find so-called “evidence” to support their beliefs. If you start out by saying “I am always rejected”, then you will find “evidence” to support your Belief that you are an unlovable reject. And you will find “evidence” that you are incapable of loving. Do we really need to be loved or do we just very much want to be loved? REBT holds that to a large degree we just want it. If you say to yourself, “I need love and approval,” then you may create a dire “necessity” for it that leads you to feel and act in ways that undermine your relationships. Other people are not obligated to love you and it is unrealistic to demand that they do. You will be more effective if your relationships if you admit that you strongly desire, but don’t absolutely need, to be loved. Then you can concentrate on giving love, and be less concerned about how much you believe you deserve to be and presumably have to be loved. ============================================================== Assignment 06 Write up to 5 examples of negative labelling you use or hear used below. Example 01 [text,example 01,80] Example 02 [text,example 01,80] Example 03 [text,example 01,80] Example 04 [text,example 01,80] Example 05 [text,example 01,80] Okay, bearing in mind the content of this lesson, see if you can write a matching alternative for each that identifies the doing rather than the doer. Alternative 01 [text,alternative 01,80] Alternative 02 [text,alternative 01,80] Alternative 03 [text,alternative 01,80] Alternative 04 [text,alternative 01,80] Alternative 05 [text,alternative 01,80] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Questions or Comments? [textarea,questions or comments,3,70] [checkbox,send copy,checked] To receive a copy of your work here. Uncheck it if you have printed off a hardcopy for yourself. [submit,SEND this Entry][reset,Start Over again]