[form] LEARNING ABOUT RATIONAL EMOTIVE PHILOSOPHY Each letter of the word L - E - A - R - N stands for an RET idea. These ideas together make up the general philosophy of problem solving using rational emotive methods. Your Name please: [text,r_name,30] Email: [text,r_email,30] LESSON 4 Expanding on the - A - of LEARN A = Anti-self-downing. Against judging, condemning or rating yourself and other people as persons, while still measuring and rating your and their behaviours. ============================================================= It is perfectly human not to be perfect. Owning your problem and taking responsibility is one thing, but putting yourself down for your imperfections is another. You don't have to celebrate your imperfections, but you can admit that they do exist and still accept yourself, the imperfect person. All of us fail at tasks we deem important. You may easily (and often!) fail at specific tasks or relationships that you really want to succeed at. By all means, strive for success, but no matter how many times you succeed you can never prove that YOU are a "success". Similarly, no matter how many times you are a "failure." You are a human who does somethings well and some things poorly. And millions of things in between! You are never obliged to prove your human worth. In fact, it is impossible to prove or disprove your goodness or badness. All people are error-prone and make thousands of mistakes, accidentally and willfully. Human beings are incredibly fallible. Therefore, no matter what you do, you can never rightly judge yourself to be a worthless person. Or a good person. You can always own your problem without putting yourself down. Just acknowledge, "I performed poorly this time. That's unfortunate." NOT: "I am bad for performing this unfortunate way." Why are you not good or bad? Because you are a very complex, ever-changing process - a person who, during your lifetime, does thousands - no, millions - of good, bad, and indifferent deeds. These statements reflect REBT philosophy I am not my behaviour, but I am responsible for my behaviour I am not my feelings, but I experience my feelings. I am not my thoughts, but I think them. My feelings, thoughts, and behaviours may change over time, but I will still be me. If my performance, in terms of thoughts, behaviours and feelings, is bad, it does not follow that I am bad. If my performance is good, it does not follow that I am good. I am an ongoing person - who is in a process of doing both good and bad things none of which totally reveal WHO I am. Because I am NOT my feelings, thoughts, and behaviours I CAN admit that SOME of my behaviours, thoughts, and feelings are "bad" because they are disadvantageous. I myself, am not bad for having or doing them. So I'd better correct THEM to enjoy myself, not to PROVE myself. I do not have to condemn or put myself down. I can admit that I am responsible and feel regretful without blaming myself and feeling guilty about specific things that I have said, done, or thought. I may feel guilty about some of my acts, but about my self, I never have to feel guilty because I always have a choice about condemning or rating myself. ================================================================ These are some of the main rational-emotive philosophies that are covered in doing REBT work on solving your personal problems. Other REBT philosophies and values - such as 'realism', 'scientific thinking', and acceptance of uncertainty - are briefly mentioned here but are taught in more detail in others materials on REBT listed in the FREE E-book library of the Online Counselor. You will benefit if you change your disadvantageous thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The idea is to Change NOT because you HAVE to or SHOULD, BUT because you will benefit from doing so. The wrong reason to change is to fruitlessly try to prove that you are an OK, good or acceptable person, WHY? Because you are already an OK person. =============================================================== ASSIGNMENT A. List some of the words that you tend to use when you are putting others down [text,putdown others 01,60] [text,putdown others 02,60] [text,putdown others 03,60] [text,putdown others 04,60] [text,putdown others 05,60] [text,putdown others 06,60] [text,putdown others 07,60] [text,putdown others 08,60] What are the behaviours that go with those labels? [textarea,behaviour labels01,3,70] B. List some of the words you tend to use when you put yourself down [text,putdown self 01,60] [text,putdown self 02,60] [text,putdown self 03,60] [text,putdown self 04,60] [text,putdown self 05,60] [text,putdown self 06,60] [text,putdown self 07,60] [text,putdown self 08,60] What are the behaviours that go with those labels? [textarea,behaviour labels02,3,70] =============================================================== Questions or Insight Comments? [textarea,questions or comments,3,70] [checkbox,send copy,checked] TO DO your next steps you'll need to receive a copy of your work here. Uncheck it if you have printed off a hardcopy for yourself. [submit,SEND this Entry][reset,Start Over again] [/form]