[form] REFRAME NO DEAL Plan Name[text,r_name,30] Email [text,r_email,30] IF You have chosen to leave or Withdraw from various levels or degrees of interaction, don't beat yourself up as ipf you've failed. This is a viable solution when the costs of changing your expectation are unethical or immoral or otherwise, AND changing reality carries a price tag for yourself or loved ones that is too high to pay for the mere satisfaction of things being how you want them. THE PLAN will help you motivate yourself sufficiently to see it through. How intense emotionally, do you think it will be, if you don't withdraw? [list,Intensity] [option,Choose,Choose how Intense,selected] [option,Not at all 0%,0% Not at all] [option,10%,10%] [option,20% A little,20% A little] [option,30%,30%] [option,40%,40%] [option,50% Medium,50% Medium] [option,60%,60%] [option,70% A lot,70% A lot] [option,80%,80%] [option,90% Quite a lot,90% Quite a lot] [option,100% Most Ive ever felt,100% Most I have ever felt] [/list] IF you have chosen NO DEAL, i.e. to withdraw THEN work at keeping your plans anchored in WHY you've chosen to withdraw and spell out in terms of the costs and benefits of having your desire fulfilled. CONFIDENCE rating before you begin working this plan Here is a scale to get an idea of the degree of confidence or motivation you have in the strategy BEFORE you've formed it. COME BACK to this rating AFTER you've worked this form to see and feel the difference. [radio,vocs02,0,checked] No confidence in the strategy at all. [radio,vocs02,1]1. Able to consider the possibility of the strategy. [radio,vocs02,2]2. Able to feel some hope that the strategy could be effective [radio,vocs02,3]3. Able to relate to some prior experience that supports the possibility of trusting the strategy. [radio,vocs02,4]4. The strategy has a grain of viability in it. [radio,vocs02,5]5. The positive strategy begins to be trustworthy. [radio,vocs02,6]6. Able to see that the strategy already has been partly effective. [radio,vocs02,7]7. The strategy feels effective but have some reservations or disclaimers. [radio,vocs02,8]8. The strategy feels mostly effective but there is still some doubt.. [radio,vocs02,9]9. The strategy feels almost completely trustworthy. [radio,vocs02,10]10. The strategy feels completely trustworthy - I trust it with virtually no doubts. NOW let's work the forming of your choice to withdraw or strategically limit the degree of influence this kind of upset can have in the future. ----------------------------------------------- Deal with possible causes of Frustration WHAT could possibly get in the way of you carrying out your PLAN OF RETREAT or NO DEAL? Check which apply if any? [checkbox,performwell]Demands on myself to perform well [checkbox,approval]Demands that I must win the approval of people important to me [checkbox,inadequate]Ratings such that If I don't get approval I take it to mean I am inadequate [checkbox,fairlytreated]Demands that other people must treat me fairly and considerately [checkbox,unfrustrated]Demands that Other people must not frustrate me [checkbox,labelsonothers]Ratings such that IF others do the above two I label them (swearing or derogatory names) [checkbox,lifegiveme]Demands that Life (as in the world at large) must give me the things I want [checkbox,keepfromharm]Demands that I should be kept from harm or discomfort (emotional and physical) [checkbox,unbearable]Ratings such that If Life doesn't deliver on either of the above I find it unbearable [checkbox,neverhappyotherwise]Ratings such that If I don't get most of the above I think that I really cannot be happy Identify possible problem Feelings or Moods that may block you When you experience the problem event, what are moods or feelings present themselves? [list,Moods01] [option,choose,Choose one of your chief MOODS,selected] [option,Abandoned,Abandoned] [option,Anxious,Anxious] [option,Paranoia,Paranoia] [option,Irritated,Irritated] [option,Timid,Timid] [option,Depressed,Depressed] [option,Confused,Confused] [option,Guilty,Guilty] [option,Unresponsive,Unresponsive] [option,Depleted,Depleted] [option,Humiliated,Humiliated] [option,Frustrated,Frustrated] [option,Rage,Rage] [option,Anger,Anger] [option,Disgust,Disgust] [option,Resentment,Resentment] [option,Vulnerable,Vulnerable] [option,Low self-esteem,Low Self-esteem] [option,Sad,Sad] [option,Panicky,Panicky] [option,Stuck,Stuck] [option,Grief,Grief] [option,Frightfully Overjoyed,Frightfully Overjoyed] [option,Defensive,Defensive] [option,Hurt,Hurt] [/list][list,intense01] [option,Choose,Choose how strong,selected] [option,Not at all 0%,0% Not at all] [option,10%,10%] [option,20% A little,20% A little] [option,30%,30%] [option,40%,40%] [option,50% Medium,50% Medium] [option,60%,60%] [option,70% A lot,70% A lot] [option,80%,80%] [option,90% Quite a lot,90% Quite a lot] [option,100% Most Ive ever felt,100% Most I have ever felt] [/list] ANY other moods or emotions not selected? [text,other unhelpful emotions,80] How appropriate are these negative feelings to helping you to withdraw? [list,appropriate01] [[option,Choose,Choose appropriateness,selected] [option,veryappropriate,Very Appropriate] [option,somewhatappropriate,Somewhat Appropriate] [option,Somewhatinappropriate,Somewhat In appropriate] [option,Veryinappropriate,Very Inappropriate] [/list] Identify possible unhelpful Behaviours You've identified unhelpful feelings, now identify possible unhelpful actions and behaviours. [list,behaviours01] [option,choose,choose one of the following] [option,avoiding,Avoiding] [option,withdrawing,Withdrawing] [option,screaming,Screaming] [option,drinking or taking substances,Drinking or drugs or illegal substances] [option,hitting people or objects,Hitting people or objects] [option,yelling,Yelling] [option,aggressive,Aggressive] [option,driving,Driving or Controlling] [option,arguing,Arguing] [option,sulking and resentment,Sulking and resentment] [option,sleeping to avoid,Sleeping to avoid] [option,complaining but no problem solving,Complaining but no problem solving] [option,non stop talking,non stop Talking] [option,non stop crying episodes,non stop Crying episodes] [option,excessive eating,excessive Eating] [/list] Are there any unhelpful actions or behaviours not described? Please describe them here... [textarea,unhelpfulaction,3,70] How appropriate are your negative behaviours or actions to the undesirable problem? [list,appropriatebehaviour] [[option,Choose,Choose appropriateness,selected] [option,veryappropriateBHV,Very Appropriate] [option,somewhatappropriateBHV,Somewhat Appropriate] [option,SomewhatinappropriateBHV,Somewhat In appropriate] [option,VeryinappropriateBHV,Very Inappropriate] [/list] WHAT could you do to counter or limit these behaving activity blocks? [textarea,strategies to counter block,3,70,I could solve them by...] AS YOU GO THROUGH the balance of this plan, you will be encouraged and reinforced ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GIVE SHAPE TO YOUR STRATEGY IDENTIFYING YOUR NEEDS Get a handle on what your needs are as a way of knowing what your goals are. In relation to each of the SIX items, Answer YES or NO in relation to which needs you seek to be met with this plan My Basic Needs: These are things like food, water, clothing, shelter. Without these things you will cease to exist or stay alive. They are your bottom line needs to even exist. Are YOUR basic life needs for existing being met? [list,my basic needs] [option,0,Yes or No?] [option,Yes,Yes they're being met] [option,No,No they are not] [/list] My Basic needs are these: [textarea,basics,3,70] Safety and Security needs: These are things pretty much as the phrase implies. Are YOUR needs for feeling safe and secure being met? [list,safety and security] [option,0,Yes or No?] [option,Yes,Yes they're being met] [option,No,No they are not] [/list] My safety and security needs are these: [textarea,My safety and security needs,3,70] Love and Belonging: being part of intimate community e.g. family, community, fellowship where you feel loved, valued and accepted i.e. feeling you belong Are YOUR needs for love and belonging (community) being met? [list,love and belonging] [option,0,Yes or No?] [option,Yes,Yes they're being met] [option,No,No they are not] [/list] My love and belonging needs are: [textarea,my love and belonging needs are,3,70] Self Esteem (or Self Acceptance): The need to feel one's worth (though difficult to establish in an absolute manner) or unconditional acceptance of self. Most people think in terms of self-worth. Are YOUR needs for Self-esteem (if You hold to the concept of self-worth) or Self-acceptance (if you hold to a rational concept) being met? [list,selfaccept] [option,0,Yes or No?] [option,Yes,Yes they're being met] [option,No,No they are not] [/list] My Self-Esteem or Acceptance needs are: [textarea,my self interest needs are,3,70] Actualisation: Something similar to feeling or sensing one has matured, arrived or succeeded in your quest. You’ve connected with your purpose for life and its showing itself to you and others. Are YOUR needs for actualisation, feeling like I have arrived, being met? [list,actualise] [option,0,Yes or No?] [option,Yes,Yes they're being met] [option,No,No they are not] [/list] My actualistation needs are: [textarea,My actualisation needs are,3,70] Meta- (or Spiritual) needs: This is our spiritual sense of a felt need to be at one with all things, people. A connection to the wider sense of things as in the WHOLE picture. It is marked by WHAT we feel we live for, or WHO we feel we live for or a mix of both. Are YOUR needs for feeling at one with life, the world etc… being met? [list,meta] [option,0,Yes or No?] [option,Yes,Yes they're being met] [option,No,No they are not] [/list] My Meta or Spiritual needs are: [text,Meta needs are,3,70] ---------------------------------------------------------- NOW use this more comprehensive Benefits and Costs tool to assess WITHDRAWING and saying NO DEAL. FOR BOTH Benefits and Costs: Write in the items of Benefit separately then give each of them an importance value ranging from 1 to 10. 1 = worth mentioning; 5 = moderately important; 10 Very important. Add up both scores and compare where the weight of your preference is. IMPORTANT! As mentioned in journal 01, Benefits and Costs are about physical effects, social effects, emotional effects, financial effects, spiritual effects so pick out the main impacts in terms of these effects. The BENEFITS of withdrawing Following the item you write, give it a value. 1 = of little importance 5 = important 10 = Very important 1.[text,benefits1,40][list,benefits01][option,1,1][option,2,2][option,3,3][option,4,4][option,5,5][option,6,6][option,7,7][option,8,8][option,9,9][option,10,10][/list] 2.[text,benefits2,40][list,benefits02][option,1,1][option,2,2][option,3,3][option,4,4][option,5,5][option,6,6][option,7,7][option,8,8][option,9,9][option,10,10][/list] 3.[text,benefits3,40][list,benefits03][option,1,1][option,2,2][option,3,3][option,4,4][option,5,5][option,6,6][option,7,7][option,8,8][option,9,9][option,10,10][/list] 4.[text,benefits4,40][list,benefits04][option,1,1][option,2,2][option,3,3][option,4,4][option,5,5][option,6,6][option,7,7][option,8,8][option,9,9][option,10,10][/list] 5.[text,benefits5,40][list,benefits05][option,1,1][option,2,2][option,3,3][option,4,4][option,5,5][option,6,6][option,7,7][option,8,8][option,9,9][option,10,10][/list] 6.[text,benefits6,40][list,benefits06][option,1,1][option,2,2][option,3,3][option,4,4][option,5,5][option,6,6][option,7,7][option,8,8][option,9,9][option,10,10][/list] 7.[text,benefits7,40][list,benefits07][option,1,1][option,2,2][option,3,3][option,4,4][option,5,5][option,6,6][option,7,7][option,8,8][option,9,9][option,10,10][/list] 8.[text,benefits8,40][list,benefits08][option,1,1][option,2,2][option,3,3][option,4,4][option,5,5][option,6,6][option,7,7][option,8,8][option,9,9][option,10,10][/list] 9.[text,benefits9,40][list,benefits09][option,1,1][option,2,2][option,3,3][option,4,4][option,5,5][option,6,6][option,7,7][option,8,8][option,9,9][option,10,10][/list] 10.[text,benefits10,40][list,benefits10][option,1,1][option,2,2][option,3,3][option,4,4][option,5,5][option,6,6][option,7,7][option,8,8][option,9,9][option,10,10][/list] Add up the value of your benefits and place it in here:[text,my total of benefits,5] The COSTS of withdrawing Following the item you write, give it a value. 1 = of little importance 5 = important 10 = Very important 1.[text,costs1,40][list,costs01][option,1,1][option,2,2][option,3,3][option,4,4][option,5,5][option,6,6][option,7,7][option,8,8][option,9,9][option,10,10][/list] 2.[text,costs2,40][list,costs02][option,1,1][option,2,2][option,3,3][option,4,4][option,5,5][option,6,6][option,7,7][option,8,8][option,9,9][option,10,10][/list] 3.[text,costs3,40][list,costs03][option,1,1][option,2,2][option,3,3][option,4,4][option,5,5][option,6,6][option,7,7][option,8,8][option,9,9][option,10,10][/list] 4.[text,costs4,40][list,costs04][option,1,1][option,2,2][option,3,3][option,4,4][option,5,5][option,6,6][option,7,7][option,8,8][option,9,9][option,10,10][/list] 5.[text,costs5,40][list,costs05][option,1,1][option,2,2][option,3,3][option,4,4][option,5,5][option,6,6][option,7,7][option,8,8][option,9,9][option,10,10][/list] 6.[text,costs6,40][list,costs06][option,1,1][option,2,2][option,3,3][option,4,4][option,5,5][option,6,6][option,7,7][option,8,8][option,9,9][option,10,10][/list] 7.[text,costs7,40][list,costs07][option,1,1][option,2,2][option,3,3][option,4,4][option,5,5][option,6,6][option,7,7][option,8,8][option,9,9][option,10,10][/list] 8.[text,costs8,40][list,costs08][option,1,1][option,2,2][option,3,3][option,4,4][option,5,5][option,6,6][option,7,7][option,8,8][option,9,9][option,10,10][/list] 9.[text,costs9,40][list,costs09][option,1,1][option,2,2][option,3,3][option,4,4][option,5,5][option,6,6][option,7,7][option,8,8][option,9,9][option,10,10][/list] 10.[text,coststen,40][list,costs10][option,1,1][option,2,2][option,3,3][option,4,4][option,5,5][option,6,6][option,7,7][option,8,8][option,9,9][option,10,10][/list] Add up the value of your costs and place it in here:[text,my total of costs is,5] COMPARE the two scores. [radio,benefitscosts,benefits in withdrawing are superior,checked] The benefits in withdrawing are superior [radio,benefitscosts,costs of withdrawal are superior]The COSTs of withdrawing are superior. ------------------------------------------------------------------ To WITHDRAW or RETREAT, give it some shape with some goal work To support me withdrawing I will START doing... Talk about specific actions or behaviours and also talk about what it is you are going to START doing get MORE of what you want [textarea,this is what I will START doing to help withdraw,3,70] To support me withdrawing I will STOP doing... Talk about which specific actions or behaviours you will STOP doing so you get LESS of what you do not want [textarea,this is what I will STOP doing,3,70] To support me withdrawing I will KEEP doing... Talk about the specific actions or behaviours and what it is you are going to KEEP doing so you CONTINUE getting what you want and not getting what you do not want [textarea,this is what I will KEEP doing,3,70] When do you expect to do this? [list,when I will do this plan] [option,0,Choose the time frame] [option,today only,Today] [option,tomorrow,Tomorrow] [option,next few days,In the next few days] [option,this week,During this week] [option,next few weeks,Within the next few weeks] [option,This month,Before this month is complete] [option,Over the next 3 months,Before the next 3 months is complete] [/list] If some other time frame then what? be specific or it will probably never happen [text,my time frame is,70] This will start (Date)[text,startdate,50] And be completed by (Date)[text,completedate,50] ------------------------------------------------------------------- AFTER doing this PLAN, DO YOU now have a clear sense of mission and purpose? [list,mission] [option,0,Choose which describes your SENSE of PURPOSE] [option,yes,Yes I have a clear sense of what to do now] [option,mostly clear,I am clearer now than I was] [option,no,No I do not yet have a clear sense of what to do] [/list] CONFIDENCE ratings What is your degree of confidence now? [radio,vocs,0,checked]0. No confidence in the strategy at all. [radio,vocs,1]1. Able to consider the possibility of the strategy. [radio,vocs,2]2. Able to feel some hope that the strategy could be effective [radio,vocs,3]3. Able to relate to some prior experience that supports the possibility of trusting the strategy. [radio,vocs,4]4. The strategy has a grain of viability in it. [radio,vocs,5]5. The positive strategy begins to be trustworthy. [radio,vocs,6]6. Able to see that the strategy already has been partly effective. [radio,vocs,7]7. The strategy feels effective but have some reservations or disclaimers. [radio,vocs,8]8. The strategy feels mostly effective but there is still some doubt.. [radio,vocs,9]9. The strategy feels almost completely trustworthy. [radio,vocs,10]10. The strategy feels completely trustworthy - I trust it with virtually no doubts. [textarea,I will need more help,3,70,I am going to need some more help and discussion on...] [checkbox,send copy,checked]I recommend you leave this box checked so you get an email of the work you've done on this form. [submit,SEND this Entry][reset,Start Over again] [/form]