STEP 5: CATCH 22 Suggestions You're still upset, Friend? To help you clear up some of the issues surrounding your upset and allow you to look at the situation in a different way, 22 suggestions for getting un-stuck are provided. As you read each suggestion, be aware of or listen to the feeling that you get in your body. It may tell you when a suggestion has touched a tender nerve. Re-examine your strategy based on that suggestion and fill out another Future Upset Worksheet. You may need to change your main upsetting issue or your strategy. 1. Change your role from Supplier to Consumer or vice-versa. 2. Role play the upset with a friend and listen to yourself. 3. Are you really upset? 4. Are you being honest with yourself? 5. Ask someone else to talk to the other person. 6. Is this the situation that really is upsetting you? 7. Write down what the other person "should do" to resolve the upset. Now change the "should" to "they chose not to," or "they chose to." Now what are you going to do?" 8. Write it in a letter, saying it all. Tear it up, burn it, or put it in a shredder. The problem gets reduced to confetti. 9. Can you check your assumptions with the other person about his or her behavior? Do you want to? Are you afraid of what you might hear? What does that say about your relationship? 10. What are you trying to accomplish? Do you have to be right? If so, is there a way to be right and still get what you want? 11. Put yourself in the other person's shoes and listen to his or her side of the story. 12. Are you afraid of the consequences of what solving the problem means? 13. Take the same upset and apply it with someone you only slightly know. Do you have the same upset? If not, you might be upset with the person and not with the situation. 14. Imagine yourself with only one week to live. Would you still hold the upset the same way? 15. If you could have anything in the world that you wanted, what would you want to help you resolve this upset? What is preventing you from getting it? 16. Perhaps you are upset with a third party for doing something to someone you care about. Are you really upset with that person? Could it be your friend who didn't do or say what you thought they should, or didn't handle the situation as you expected them to? 17. Are you holding onto a belief based on the way the other person "should" behave rather than the way that person did behave? Can you remember who taught you that belief? Tell that person it isn't working! Now what are you going to do? 18. Congratulations, you wanted to be upset, and you are. How long do you want to be upset to satisfy your sense of rightousness? A week, month, year, the rest of your life? What is it costing you? 19. Do you complain about your health because of stress? Isn't it worth giving up your anger and resentment to regain your health? 20. If you can't resolve your upset at this point Friend, it's because you don't want to. How many other upsets like this one are you holding onto? This program can help you only if you are willing to be open and honest about your relationships. Do you really enjoy being upset? 21. Ask for the article on the 7 expectation issues. 22. Ask for the article on Beliefs.