Behavioural Toolbox It is important to put your cognitive changes into actual practice. Behavioural techniques, or 'action assignments', will help you in a number of ways. They are your tools for adjusting your environment or if possible, adjusting your reality. You can deepen and consolidate rational beliefs by acting in accordance with the new beliefs and against the old ones. You can raise your tolerance for frustration and discomfort by deliberately exposing yourself to them. And you can experiment with and practice new ways of handling problematical situations. Exposure to real life situations Exposure involves deliberately putting yourself into real-life situations you tend to avoid. The main purposes are to test out beliefs (like, for example, that you can't stand rejection) and to increase your tolerance for discomfort. It is helpful to deliberately set up the situations rather than wait for them to occur. You can prepare for them, so they are under your control. The advance practice will then help you cope when they happen unexpectedly. Here are some of the ways you can use real-life exposure: Shame attacking. This involves doing things you have previously avoided through fear of what other people might think. It will increase your tolerance for discomfort, reduce your over-concern about disapproval, and increase your ability to take (sensible) risks. The actions need to be things that other people are likely to notice and disapprove of. Here are some examples: a. If you are obsessive about your appearance, go out wearing unmatched items of clothing or without your usual grooming. b. If you worry about behaving correctly in front of others, break some minor social convention. c. Face your fear of being seen as stupid by expressing an opinion to a group of people. Risk-taking. The purpose is to challenge beliefs that certain behaviours are too dangerous to risk, when reason tells you that while the outcome is not guaranteed, they are worth the chance. Some examples: a. Combat perfectionism or fear of failure by starting tasks where there is a good chance of failing or not matching your expectations. b. Face fear of rejection by seeking it out - talk to an attractive person at a party, or ask someone to go out with you. Real-life desensitisation. Deliberately enter situations you fear in order to discover that you survive or that you can learn to handle them. For example, if you are afraid of being in lifts, go into a lift several times a day for about a month till the fear diminishes. Take care to have support available, and try and break down your experience into smaller steps if possible. Paradoxical behaviour When you have difficulty with something, actually do it or make it happen. Behaving in new ways will help you change dysfunctional tendencies. Step out of character. If you are perfectionistic, deliberately do some things to less than your usual standard. If you feel guilty because you think you are a 'selfish' person, do something nice for yourself each day for a week. If you rush around a lot but worry you are not getting enough done, deliberately slow down and take long breaks where you do nothing but relax. Postponing gratification. If your problem is undue frustration when you have to wait for what you want, deliberately delay gratification with one thing each day for a month or two. Role-playing Role-playing difficult situations will enable you to test out and practice different ways of coping with them before you face the real thing. Role-playing is often used when the situation involves communicating with others. Practising assertiveness is a common example. Role-play with a trusted friend or colleague. Repeat the role-play till you feel you have got it right. Get the other person to give you feedback on how you came across, so you can gradually refine your technique. Important points on using action techniques Don't take foolhardy risks. Avoid doing anything that might cause injury, or unduly alarm or disrupt the lives of others. The object of action assignments is not to 'succeed'. The real purpose is to expose yourself to problematical situations, to either test them out or increase your tolerance. If your risk-taking always succeeded, you would do little to raise your tolerance for discomfort. Often what you fear will not actually occur - but it is better that it sometimes does. For example, you would not develop the confidence you could handle rejection till you were actually rejected a few times.