04 HOW can I best use it for myself?

Here is some advice on how to get the best out of using REBT for your own personal well-being and wholeness.

How to use REBT Effectively

As you may have gathered by now, Rational-Emotive Therapy is not a mysterious or secret thing. REBT is indeed a straightforward, usable system for understanding how you came to be troubled and what you can do about it.
Yet REBT does require much of you, for you are the key to your change. Just as we cannot make you physically fit by simply talking to you about diet or exercise, neither can we or REBT talk you into emotional well-being. YOU HAVE TO ACT.

Accordingly, we offer some important tips on how to make the most of your REBT experience.

BE COMMITTED AND RESPONSIBLE
A good many people do not want to be responsible for their lives. Some are simply lazy. Others fear they will fail. Others feel entitled to special privileges without effort. Still others feel very helpless and powerless and want others to take care of them. Unfortunately, life often does not work out well for those who abdicate personal responsibility. We encourage you to take the attitude that you are responsible for your life.

There is no Guardian Angel or significant other (like your parent or spouse) who has been designated to make your life work -- to help you get what you want, to fend off difficulties for you, or to protect you from becoming upset. So you would be wise to approach your REBT with the attitude that you are the one to make the changes -- not your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your boss, or even your therapist. Take it on your shoulders to learn, to act, to change.

Lest this sound lonely or harsh, remember that we are also committed to you. We will do everything in our power to give you the tools to change. We will coach you every step of the way and we will fully support you in your efforts. With our commitment to you, your commitment to yourself and your own well-being, and your willingness to take responsibility to do what is necessary to change, your chances of getting better increase tremendously.

BE A STUDENT
REBT, by design, is much more like a teacher-student than a doctor-patient process. Why? Well, for two reasons. The first is because you can actually learn the skills needed to get better, much the way you learn any other new skill. The second reason is that we don't want you to have to again seek therapy in the future. It is not that your therapist won't be there for you. It's that we want you to become so well-versed in REBT that you become your own therapist. We want you to learn how to diagnose your future problems and to be so skilful in REBT techniques that you can do REBT on your own of you should ever again find it desirable to make significant personal changes.

So neither we nor your REBT therapist will leave you in the dark about what's going on. Rather, we will spend considerable time teaching you about both human psychology and REBT. We will assign you practice exercises and readings designed to raise your understanding and develop your self-therapeutic proficiency. If you will put on the hat of a student and take upon yourself the active learning and the insights and tools given you, you will most likely make very steady and significant progress.

BE A PARTNER
We are sure you have visited your family physician when you've been ill. Unless you have an unusual doctor, she or he examines you, prescribes some specific treatment, and sends you home to follow directions. You may not be told what is wrong with you beyond the name of your disease; you may not participate in determining what to do; and you may do little beyond swallowing medicine and resting. Your physician does most of the work while you may remain fairly passive in the process.

In REBT we do things quite a bit differently. You are a partner in your treatment. Although we will start out more knowledgeable and thus be somewhat directive in teaching you the information and skills you lack, our goal is to hand the ball to you as quickly as possible so you can take it and run with it. Rather than being a god or guru who cures you, we will first be your teacher, then your coach, and finally, your partner in the process of you "curing" yourself. You would be wise, therefore, to enter your REBT with the attitude that you are ultimately your own therapist, with a need for only some initial education and coaching to successfully learn to heal yourself.

BE OPEN
It is an interesting yet unfortunate fact of human nature that people resist things that are new or different. We seem to want to think we already know "what's so," and fight against new, contradictory information.

Now, while based on a considerable body of scientific evidence, the theory of REBT contradicts much "common wisdom." Like many of our colleagues, and a good many lay people, you too probably think about your emotional problems in quite different ways than we will explain them. And, like many people, you will have the urge to reject what we say because it is different. DON'T DO THAT! Be willing to be ignorant. Listen to what we have to say. Let it sink in. Think it over. REBT is not simply a good-sounding theory that somebody cooked up. It is based on knowledge derived both from clinical experience and from scientific research. As Archie Bunker said to Edith, "stifle" your first reaction; be open, and give REBT a good try.

HAVE FUN
A good deal of what your emotional disturbance is all about is taking life, and yourself, too seriously. Think about it for a minute. Don't your anxieties and fears have to do with thinking how perfect you must be and how wonderful you have to look to everyone all the time? Isn't your guilt the result of thinking how utterly horrible it is that you acted badly or have some flaw? Isn't your anger about taking the attitude that other people have to act correctly toward you all the time? Deadly serious stuff!

We REBT therapists will help you to give up such seriousness and take yourself and your life in a lighter vein. if you will do so, you certainly will get better, feel better and be better able to accomplish your goals. As you approach your therapy, too, you want to be careful not to approach it as life or death. After all, it's human to get upset. It's easy to get off track and fall into troublesome habits. So, relax! Take your REBT as an adventure, an opportunity to learn new things about yourself, and to grow. Take it seriously, but not too seriously, and you'll do just fine.