FH Conflict

Think Win-Win and consider the following helpful suggestions

Face your anger
Take time to cool off

Take time to plan carefully
* Think about how to raise the issue with the person
* What are you going to say?
* What are the circumstances going to be?

Time the Moment
Choose a time that is best for both of you to talk

Present the Facts
* By the way what are the facts here?
* What evidence do you have to show them to be facts as such?
* When telling your situation, be as FACTual as possible

Talk only about yourself
* How do you see the situation?
* How do you feel about it and react to it?
* Try avoiding talking about the other person with the "you" pronoun
* Aim your discussion at the behavioural or thinking issues, (the things the other person can get a handle on and work for change)

Allow time
* First listen to understand, then speak to be understood.
* Allow time for the other person to respond

Come to some resolution
* Remember the Win-Win cliché
* Come to some resolution that is satisfying to both parties.
* This may require marking a request or accepting an offer.
* Consider using a mediator to facilitate the process.

Blocks to watch out for
* Basic assumptions we can hold about each other that may not be true.
* Projecting our own feelings, thoughts, motives, into another person or thing.
* Explaining away something we did just to get ourselves off the hook.
* Expectations: We want the other person to do or say what we would like them to.
* Judgements: When others don’t respond as we expect, we judge, assess, or rate them.
* "Yes, but…" Is a language clue the other person is not listening. They are busy listening to their own self-talk opinions.
* Stereotyping: labeling people prevents us from hearing them as they are, right now.
* Compliance: Adopting the other persons opinion in order to be liked or to keep the peace.
* Negative identification: We get so focused on the other person’s emotions we lose sense of where we are at ourselves.

A Personal code to make Peace
* I agree to disagree
* I agree that each person sees it from their own perspective as true.
* I will examine my own motives for disagreeing, before doubting the statements of another
* I will look for the basic assumptions and needs behind what is said.
* I will seek out the conflict in the heart of each person and the contradictions: Their words, ideas, actions, emotions and attitude.

Consider Mediation
* Mediation is a way of helping you focus on the true needs rather than your own wants.
* Mediation is cost effective compared to legal battles
* It is a phone call away from putting into action.

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