FH Guilt

… And what to do about it

Guilt is the unpleasant feeling we have when we are aware of having done something we believe is wrong - or failed to do what we believe is right.

Guilt is

• A sense of anguish that we have fallen short of our own standards.
  
• Feeling blameworthy
  
• Useful as a signal. It tells us that something isn’t right.
  
• The guardian of our goodness. It is necessary for the development of conscience in childhood and to avoid anti-social behaviour.
  
• Enables us to recognise that we have done wrong.

Guilt can

• Have us feel anything between mildly upset to a full blown depression.

Could this be Guilt?

Guilt feelings aren’t always easy to detect.

Some things to watch for in determining if it’s guilt that’s troubling us….

• We keep believing there is something wrong with us even when assured otherwise. We feel unworthy, unlovable, somehow flawed.
  
• We seem to punish ourselves for enjoying life, sometimes resorting to excessive drinking, working or other addictions.
  
• We need to be perfect; no failures accepted.
  
• We assume responsibilities and obligations that are not really ours.
  
• We consistently set ourselves up for failure - in marriage, business and other endeavours.

Where does our guilt come from?

• From our past. We keep reliving bad experiences of the past over and over again in the present.
  
• We have learned to feel guilty from an early age (by failing to please others or live up to their expectations).
  
• From ourselves. Much guilt is self-imposed.
  
• Trying to adhere to an unrealistic or outmoded moralistic code.

What to do about it

• Recognise the past cannot be changed and learn from the experience.
  
• Be Courageous. We can’t grow if we deny our wrongdoing or rationalise immoral or hurtful behaviour.
  
• Admit the Fault. When we do something we believe is wrong we’ll feel the guilt. It’s best to admit that feeling and to realise it’s connection with the improper behaviour.
  
• Think about your own values. Write two lists, then cross out all the false values and resolve to live up to the code of ethics you have chosen for yourself.

Then do this

• Confess. Most of us have experienced the relief that comes from "ventilating" or confessing wrongdoing to another person who cares about us.
  
• Ask to be forgiven. The person who has wronged another can take a positive step toward dealing with the resulting guilt feelings by asking for forgiveness - and as far as possible, make amends or restitution.

Knowing that we are capable of doing wrong and are responsible for our behaviour should never be a cause for despair.

Even when we’re less than perfect in achieving our ideals, they present us with continued challenges and opportunities.