FH Making Friends
Exploring exactly what a friend is...
A friend is...
- A present you give yourself.
- Someone who enjoys you, likes being with you, and wants you to be the best person you can be.
- Some you enjoy too.
Qualities of a friend
- Keeps confidences
- Is loyal
- Is warm and affectionate
- Is supportive
- Is frank and honest
- Has a sense of humour
What friends do together
- Talk intimately.
- Go out to dinner sometimes.
- Ask each other for help when necessary.
- Go to a movie, play, or concert.
- Socialise.
- Watch TV together
Good friends encourage health
- People who isolate themselves from others have two or three times the risk of early death
- Terminal cancer strikes isolated people more often than it does those who are connected.
- People who can confide in a close friend are much less likely to become depressed.
Conclusion:
- We need people & friendship
- We need to discover that happiness involves relationships with other people
But to have a friend, You need to be a friend
Friendship Obstacles
Why doesn’t friendship happen?
- Are you too busy? Friendship takes time.
- Are you too picky with people? Don’t allow race, social groups or religion to restrict you.
- Remember friendships can cut across boundaries.
- Are you a taker rather than a giver?
- Are your expectations too high? Relax and enjoy developments.
- Do you take time to read other people’s emotional signals?
- Are you possessive of the other person? Let go!
- Are you critical of the other person? Bring out the best in other people.
- Leave people better than you find them. Feed goodness.
- Do you betray confidences?
Eight ways to kill a friendship
1. Be jealous of your friend’s achievements.
2. Gossip behind your friend’s back.
3. Deal in half truths.
4. Run as a competitor. See your friend as a loser.
5. Compare yourself to others with your friend.
6. Use your friend for your own selfish interests.
7. Expect everything and give nothing.
8. Give all but refuse to receive another’s giving.
Conversational Starters
- Begin by introducing yourself. Smile. Make eye contact. Find out the name of the other person. Ask if necessary.
- Follow up with an open-ended question that links you both, for example questions that begin with "how" and "what" may easily lead in to further conversation.
- Listen. That does not mean preparing your next question. Respond to the feeling tone of the other person. This means listening with your heart and mind.
- Genuinely be interested in what the other person is saying. Give them the gift of yourself as a listener.
- Smile - but not all the time. Give yourself permission to relax, this will help the other person to relax too.
- Be genuine with your compliments. Other people doubt you if they suspect you are phoney.
- Value silences. They are not gaps to be filled up by much speaking. Usually people need time to consider ideas and make their own connections. Proceed gently.
- Allow time for the conversation to develop naturally. This means not pushing your ideas or advice on to the other person.
- Respect the other person’s privacy. They will offer themselves when they feel they can trust you. Maintain comfortable eye contact.
How to be a friend...
Don’t walk in front of me
I may not follow
Don’t walk behind me
I may not lead
Walk beside me
And just be my friend
Albert Camus
Arabian Proverb
A friend is one to whom one may pour out all
the contents of one’s heart, chaff and grain together
knowing that the gentlest of hands, will take it and sift it,
keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.
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